I grew up with so much self-hatred that the idea of love seemed so distant to me. The idea of God and heaven seemed so out of my reach that it just became easier to believe I would never be good enough.
I spent over 30 years of my life in conflict with myself, battling this war within of who I thought I was and what I felt was true. Growing up, there was no evidence around me showing what I felt was real, and I wasn't even close to having faith in anything other than myself.
I grew up going to church, and I always felt like I didn't belong, that there was something so ugly within me that even God had abandoned me. Any talk of spirit was condemned as that's what "other religions" practiced. So many things around me told me things I felt for myself were wrong, and the self-hate grew. I can remember as a child burying myself so deeply within me, hiding from this world, that even I lost sight of me.
Growing up always in conflict with myself and in homes where I never felt safe, I never knew peace. Peace was walking through a forest alone or sitting by the water listening to the waves. Peace was laughter and joy with a child or sitting with someone as they let something heal within them. What I didn't know was that all of this was the spirit of God in all of us.
It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I went back and read the Bible for the first time on my own. The book I read was filled with love, with spirit, acceptance, unity, service, joy, hope, and peace. All these things weren't in some far-off place or something I had to attain; it was simply within me.
Learning to be still wasn't to quiet out the world; it was to finally stop running. To stop running from God, from love, from joy, and a peace within me I was too terrified to see because I expected to see something different.
This spirit is in all of us and all creation. We are fighting the wrong fight with each other instead of fighting to pull each other out of darkness.
The battle is won, there are no enemies, there are no sides, and there is no division. We are all one. We won't help each other see this standing on the other side of the battle lines. Let the veil fall and remember we are all one.
There is a peace in our soul that was promised
There is a love so deep in our heart we just have to embrace it
There is a light in our eye just waiting to shine
As we rise up once again in truth and spirit
Jesus promised us peace and He is faithful
There is no battle to fight and no enemy to overcome
There is no point to prove or argument to win
We were not sent into this world to wage war
The battle is God's and Jesus has won
We were sent into this world to love
To turn eyes of darkness into light
To serve the most vulnerable children of all
The most broken and vulnerable are the ones so far from love
All they know how to do is wage war
They are the ones causing harm and drawing lines of division
They are you and we are them because we are all of God
Scattered in this world and broken
Jesus promised us peace and there is peace in love
God so loved the world that He gave up everything to reach us
To be one with us
God is in all creation and we are all His creation.
We don't have to earn salvation
We don't have to earn His love
We don't have to be perfect
We don't have to be wise
We just have to let ourselves be loved
And freely love as we are loved
There is peace in this world
There can be peace in your heart
The battle is over
All that's left is to love
How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who say to Zion,
“Your God reigns!” - Isaiah 52:7
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